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Personality: Shelly McKee-Sutton

Spotlight on volunteer chair of The Compassionate Friends RVA’s ‘Walk to Remember’

4/5/2019, 6 a.m.
The loss of a child is one of the most horrific times for parents and their families who suffer grief, ...
Shelly McKee-Sutton

Want to go?

What: The Compassionate Friends RVA 2019 “Walk to Remember,” a mile-long walk honoring children and other young loved ones who have died.

When: 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. Saturday, April 13.

Where: Church of the Epiphany, 11000 Smoketree Drive.

Cost: $25 for those ages 13 and older.

Details: Guest speaker, Anne Moss Rogers, president of The Beacon Tree Foundation, will speak before the mile walk begins. Participants are asked to bring a photo of their loved one to share in the memory booth. Lunch will be provided.

Info and registration: www.compassionate... or (804) 458-9000.

The loss of a child is one of the most horrific times for parents and their families who suffer grief, sorrow and, sometimes, guilt.

The Compassionate Friends of RVA, a nonprofit organization of people trying to help others heal, offers comfort, understanding and hope. Its 3rd Annual “Walk to Remember” on April 13 gives families “the opportunity to share and support others through their grieving process,” says Shelly Ann McKee-Sutton, chair of this year’s walk.

The event and mile-long walk, which is started with an inspirational speaker and the release of doves, “is a symbolic way to show the love we carry for those we grieve and miss,” she says. “Participants walk, surrounded by the support of others, meditating on a much different time in their lives. Some go the full distance, while others only walk a short way, knowing that in participating, they are remembering.”

Up to 100 walkers are expected, Ms. McKee-Sutton says, noting that Anne Moss Rogers, president of The Beacon Tree Foundation that advocates for families of children struggling with mental illness, will be the guest speaker. Ms. Rogers lost a child to suicide.

The Compassionate Friends was stared in England more than 40 years ago when a chaplain brought together two families working through the grief for their children. The organization moved to the United States in 1978, and now has more than 600 chapters serving all 50 states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and Guam. Chapters also are located in more than 30 countries around the globe.

The Richmond chapter started in 1981, Ms. McKee-Sutton says. It provides monthly support group meetings, a newsletter, resources and special events.

Ms. McKee-Sutton became a member in 2016, following the death of her older son, Andrew, who was killed when he lost control of the family minivan and ran off the road. He was 16.

“That was the day I began my relationship with grief,” she recalls. She says she and her family needed help and support to deal with the pain and sorrow. Her younger son, Joshua, now a senior in high school, turned 14 a few months after Andrew’s accident, “and to this day, doesn’t talk about his brother’s death,” Ms. McKee-Sutton says. “Men, in general, don’t talk about their feelings.”

Andrew’s death took a toll on her immediate and extended family. She says she was happy to discover Compassionate Friends RVA during an online search. She says she has friends now she can lean on.

“They know exactly how you feel,” she says, which is both heartwarming and powerful.

The organization helps families locate available resources and digest the emotions associated with a sudden death. Through the organization’s social media links, members “can share their thoughts, or not, in private,” Ms. McKee-Sutton says.“It is a huge benefit to other people’s healing because that can be the core for their grieving process.”

Her message to grieving parents and families is direct: “Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are people out in the world, regardless of how you think or feel, that are going through the same thing, and they are willing to help you.”

“Where I am today, I never thought I could be here,” she says of her first Compassionate Friends of RVA meeting where people didnt know her.

“They give me hope and the ability to laugh again, to be able to find joy in a time when I thought I could never feel that again.”

Meet an advocate for families who need healing and this week’s Personality, Shelly McKee-Sutton:

Occupation: Human resources information systems analyst

No. 1 community involvement: Volunteer chair of The Compassionate Friends RVA’s “Walk to Remember.” I helped with the walk in 2016 through various tasks. In 2017, I was the co-coordinator with another TCF member.

Length of term: The walk leader term is only a couple of months. Considering that it is a recurring event, it helps with a lot of the planning. We have built relationships with the vendors and others who are essential in helping make this event a success.

Date and place of birth: Oct. 2, 1974, in Richmond.

Current residence: Powhatan County.

Education: Bachelor’s degree in business administration.

Family: Husband, Donald, and sons, Andrew and Joshua McKee. Andrew was killed in a car accident in 2016 at the age of 16. Joshua is a senior at Powhatan High School and will turn 18 in a few weeks.

When I became involved with The Compassionate Friends RVA: I attended my first meeting in May 2016, the month after Andrew’s accident. How an individual chooses to respond to grief can be one of the most important decisions they ever make. I knew I needed to surround myself with other people that I could talk with, people that could honestly look at me and say, “I know how you feel, and everything is going to be okay; you will make it.” The Compassionate Friends is a lifeline for those who feel there is no hope. After Andrew’s accident not only was my hope gone, but all my dreams and plans for the future were turned upside down. The pain I felt could not be compared to any other pain I had ever felt before. Compassionate Friends embraced me, understood my pain and promised me that I did not have to walk through my grief alone.

Mission of Compassionate Friends RVA: Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.

Membership requirements: Unfortunately, this is a membership no one wants to pay dues to. In order to be a member, your child, grandchild or sibling has died. We are one of the only organizations that wishes our membership never got bigger.

Why “Walk to Remember” is important: It is a way to honor and remember those we love. It’s the one time of a year that we as a group set aside a time to remember. The volunteers are doing something to help others in their grief. Some want to find a purpose in their grief and helping others does that. But regardless of the reason, whether you are a volunteer or a participant, one thing is true, doing something is part of the healing process.

How I start the day: I start my day with a Power of Positivity quote. Then I verbally say good morning to Andrew.

Quality I most admire in others: Kindness.

Something I love to do that most people would never imagine: Sit quietly in nature. Andrew has a memory plaque at Bear Creek Lake State Park in Cumberland County in an area with a picnic table. I wish it were closer so I could visit more often. I love the park and the area where the memorial is located.

A quote that I am inspired by: “If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together, there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart, I’ll always be with you.”

How I unwind: Meditating, reading or listening to music.

Best late-night snack: Popcorn or ice cream.

At the top of my “to-do” list is: Preparing myself for Joshua’s graduation from high school. It’s something I never got to experience with Andrew, so it comes with so many emotions.

The best thing my parents ever taught me: Manners and gratitude.

The person who influenced me the most: My grandmother.

The book that influenced me the most: “As It Is in Heaven: How Eternity Brings Focus to What Really Matters” by Greg Laurie.

What I’m reading now: “The Magic Mala: A Story That Changes Lives” by Bob Olson.

My next goal: To obtain my certification in bereavement and grief counseling.