There are right ways and wrong ways to accomplish most things. A few days ago, the world witnessed the wrong way to defend and honor women, if that is what Will Smith thought he was doing.

For sure, walking on stage after laughing at a joke, slapping someone, speaking and going back to his seat yelling an obscenity for all to hear, by no measure, is the right way.  We have watched Will Smith grow up into what we thought was a real man, only to find out he still acts like an unruly kid.

Watching him slap Chris Rock for no reason must have sparked memories in the minds of every woman who has been domestically abused by a man who assumed the woman would not fight back. It’s best that she wouldn’t because fighting back physically would have invariably caused her more slaps, kicks and a significantly longer beating because the man in question would become even more enraged. I know because I have been there. It has never been a secret that I am a survivor of domestic abuse.

I compliment Chris Rock for not escalating Mr. Smith’s insane behavior. Many women sat wondering if after the “floor showing” about protecting his wife’s honor, he’d ever shown that kind of behavior toward her. Mr. Rock could have responded, causing a brawl that would have embarrassed most Black people. This was to have been a night of pride for us with so many Black participants probably hoping Mr. Smith would win the Oscar—only to be shocked and embarrassed by his thuggish behavior over a joke.

Chris Rock is a comedian. Comedians tell jokes and many of us were honored to have him as a presenter at the awards ceremony. After Mr. Smith’s horrible behavior, he eventually went to the microphone and had an opportunity to cool his hot temper and apologize to all of us, including Mr. Rock for his horrible behavior. Instead, he went to the microphone all teary-eyed without the necessary courage to apologize to Mr. Rock or to those who thought the “apology” he gave as insufficient.

Dr. Christian Gregory, I am glad you so eloquently discussed the issue concerning Will Smith slapping Chris Rock. As you stated, your Dad, Dick Gregory, taught how fear, hate, jealousy, anger pose a danger to ourselves when we surrender to violence. He taught me that “anger can consume and destroy us” and, that by acting under the influence of anger, I relinquish the authority of my own self-control.

Dick Gregory taught valuable “character lessons” to young comics and others. Even though Mr. Rock was the victim of violence, I am grateful he reacted as he did. We, Black people, did not need the unnecessary humiliation of Mr. Smith’s actions amplified by a response-in-kind by Mr. Rock. If he had truly wished to honor his wife, Mr. Smith could have emulated the actions of U.S. Sen. Cory Booker. By not doing so, he missed the unfulfilled opportunity to make all Black women proud of who we are—not just his wife.

Yes, during the confirmation hearings for our sister Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, Sen. Booker taught a master class of what a Black man could and should do to honor a Black woman. Sen. Booker’s eloquence in responding to real racially motivated verbal attacks stood head and shoulders above Mr. Smith’s contrived and unrestrained response to a joke at which he initially laughed.

Before this is over, I think Mr. Smith will indeed recognize that “anger can consume and destroy you.” I fervently pray that he learns something positive from his unwarranted behavior.

The writer is a minister, a U.N. peace ambassador, an author and radio show host and president of the Dick Gregory Society.